20-Something Wahala.

I was standing in front of my mirror,slowly scrutinizing my face.The frownlines were doing me no good at all,etched on my temple like a spider's web by the cruel fingers of mother nature. Humph! I sighed,secretly consoling myself while pondering that there is nothing "l'Oreal" botwax or the almighty botox couldn't handle. After all,"no be me be the first nor go be the last to wan use am." Oh,the dark circles around my eyes! "Something's gotta handle that too" I thought.
"Oh girl your biological clock is ticking,you will soon be thirty o!" came the whinny little voice inside my head."Abeg hold your own" I told the voice. "Am I blind? Do you have to use the age factor to creat an aged aura around me? Oya! Get behind me pecky,prickly Miss Conscience." "Well,I wouldn't tell my age if you don't" I said smiling into the mirror,challenging Miss Conscience.After all,the quick fix to cellulites and stretch marks on the butt is to wear a great pair of jeans and I am perfectly sculpted...who will see what lies beneath? "Abi no be so?"
Suddenly,"Sweet Mother...I no go forget you..." floated from my phone.The caller id was screaming "MUM." I mentally started preparing myself for the familiar pattern of conversation that was going to follow.Finally,the topic of the day landed "Gbosa!" "Did you hear that little Maureen got married last weekend? She is only twenty three years old...Oh what a lucky girl...nice timing...nice planning! Did you know that she got married to her childhood sweetheart?...Remember that tall,short,slim,fat,dark,light twenty,thirty something year old boy,that lived down the street..." It went on and on.
"Haba Mama,spare me naa!" Such tales only make me blue. "Maureen and Matse" start with a "M" but that is where the similarity ends.We don't sound the same,neither do we mean the same. "Matse?" My mama called at the other end of the line. "Why are you silent?" Silent? My brain screamed. I thought you were giving me the biography of "little Maureen."
"Em,Mum!" I said,"I need to rush down to the office.My boss called me to tell me that I needed to see to some important issues,I will be calling you soon Mum,I love you and bye."
"Ewo!" I sighed. "Some daughters do have them." I know you love me to death Mum and you want the best for me...I understand.Let's take it easy "Ma".You will carry your grandchild when the time is right (laughing).